bio

get a load of this guy:

hello my name is ollie nice to meet you

FAQ:

who the absolute hell are you

thanks for asking i am just a bloke with an ego and basic web development skills

what labour do you perform in this cruel reality

i was going to be a programmer but i have absolutely zero academic skills so i dropped out of university and now i work on the railways instead. despite this i did still learn a few useful things such as how to make and host websites, how to sneak out of lectures that i've deicded i can't be bothered with 10 minutes in and how to get embarrasingly drunk on absolutely no money, the lattermost of which has been somewhat scuppered by the fact that even the smell of vodka makes me reel after one too many bad student flat parties. i much prefer a cup of tea now

what is your favourite [insert media type here]

half life 2, radiohead, the matrix, etc... i am nothing but a vessel for 2004's coolest big brother (though my little sister would likely disagree and call me fat/smelly/ugly/dumb delete as appropriate)

are you an artist

regrettably i am much too employed to be an artist. my sister is an artist though; she also hasn't dropped out yet. she is everything i failed to be and yet somehow still inferior

i do dabble with a bit of digital modern art and poncy photography stuff whenever i have the time (absolutely never) most of what i have done is plastered all over this website

if you're not an artist how come you're such a pretentious bastard

i put parma ham in my sandwiches

i have another question which is not frequently asked and therefore is not covered in your frequently asked questions list

sling me a message at olliedevine@icloud.com or add me on discord @thedestersmek (this is my handle on like 99.999% of other platforms)

epic animated .GIFs and cool kidz lingo will not guarantee a response but they will improve your chances, and you know God loves a chancer

what is a destersmek

no no no, it's not "the destersmek" it's "thede stersmek" it would be my name if i was born into a world where people are called thede sometimes (possibly holland)

you are avoiding the question

shut up i'm ending the page now